Wouldn't It Be Lovely

This came to me via email. I liked it. Quite frankly,
I'm tired of supporting other countries who then
bad-mouth us. I'd rather see my money spent at
home for needed things!
C~B~N

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY
U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE
FOLLOWING SPEECH?


My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of
Iraq regime has been completed. Since congress does
not want to spend any more money on this war, our
mission in Iraq is complete. This morning I gave the
order for a complete removal of all American
forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within
30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of
countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq
conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain ,
Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the
countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list.
Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press
secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later
this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately,
foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately
and indefinitely.

The money saved during the first year alone will pretty
much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war. The
American people are no longer going to pour money
into third world hellholes and watch those government
leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic?

Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to
redirect this money toward solving the vexing social
problems we still have at home.

On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw
with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you
and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France,
or maybe China. I am ordering the immediate
severing of diplomatic relations with France,
Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help,
comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well.
Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin
towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in
Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets
to sites where those vehicles will be stripped,
shredded and crushed I don't care about whatever
treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of
thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets
tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers
and limos be turned over to some of the finest
chop shops in the world. I love New York. {Um, rather
let's auction them off and use the money
for health care for uninsured Americans or
something equally good!}


A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2.
Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other,
you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his
entire corrupt government really need an attitude
adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and
infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where
I am going to put em? Yep, border security. {Texas!}

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating {= for the
uneducated, illiterate and/or lazy: to abolish} the NAFTA
treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately,
we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take
care of this country's oil needs for decades to come.
If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision,
I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there.
They care.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its
own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer
them by saying, "darn tootin."

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life
around the world has only earned us the undying enmity
of just about everyone on the planet. {Next time you need
help with the worlds fascists, nazis, socialists or
communists~~Good Luck; cause you're going to need it.}

It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time
to eliminate homelessness in America.

To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys.
We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to
learn to speak Arabic.


God bless America.
Thank you and good night.


If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.


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